November 13, 2021
By Jan Gutowski, Creativity Coach
“If you don’t build your dream, someone will hire you to help build theirs.”
Tony Gaskins – motivational speaker, author and life coach
The first time I read the quote above, I was prompted to ask myself “Who really is the boss of me?” I interpreted this from both the personal and professional happiness lenses. From the professional viewpoint, the answer at that time was my employer. From the personal life purpose and happiness angle, the answer at that time was the list of people whose approval I felt I needed for validating my choices. It was in this moment that I realized I was living a life stuck inside an organizational structure at work, while also trying to fit into an implied “acceptable” mold designed by my upbringing and experiences (thus far) that didn’t really feel like me. Of course, I immediately felt the need to sit myself down with a cup of coffee to ponder this. This realization was truly a loaded epiphany, which touched on so many aspects of my life and begged the question: Who is sitting in the director’s chair of the production called “My Life”? Duh! It should be me, right?
So much of what we encounter in our quest to become our best selves can feel very much like being a kid on the playground again: We strive to fit in, to make an impression, to be liked, to be picked first for dodgeball – basically, to be wrapped in the warm blanket of acceptance, attention and security. If our experience as children was that we did not fit in with the crowd, we may have embraced the belief that we were unlikeable, unworthy, or just plain weird. It is human nature to want the kind of emotional security that comes from being a member of the “in” crowd; but in our effort to achieve it, it becomes easy to begin forming limiting beliefs about our ability to become our own uniquely creative and awesome boss.
As adults in a career setting, the playground association may translate more to things like being identified for pay raises and promotions; but the journey toward achieving these things may begin to generate similar feelings as mentioned above. When you step back and see the parallels, you might come to a realization that you are on a metaphorical hamster wheel; and this is when it is important to assess the control you might have (or, might NOT have) in your current personal and professional development trajectory. If this sounds familiar, and if you find that your objectives more align with fitting into a template rather than recognizing that you are beautifully unique; not only are you NOT the boss of you; but it is also likely that your momentum is only running at half-throttle.
Imagine that there are no limits in ANY aspect of our lives… What would need to change for you to feel that you are the boss of you, and that you are living your best life? Let’s break it down into bits:
Relationships (and I mean all… friendships, work relationships, significant other, etc) – think of some examples of relationships that are not in a good place and list some potential reasons why. If the reason is you, ask yourself what needs to be done to mend the bridge IF that is what you would like to happen. If a relationship is just toxic to you or is one-sided, then maybe ask yourself if you’re better off giving it less emotional investment, or just letting it go altogether. If you have made an honest attempt to communicate and resolve, but are left empty-handed, then hike up to the high road and leave it to the universe. You cannot be both sides of a relationship. Think of it as de-cluttering – once the excess emotional weight which comes from unhealthy relationships is kicked to the curb, you can move forward with more clarity and a sense of peace. You deserve this!
Our home life should be our sanctuary; the place where we eat, sleep, plan, decompress, bake cookies, etc. Does home feel like home? If we are living with someone, whether that be a spouse, roommate or with family/kids, we still need this space to be a happy place. If we feel that this space feels more messy and chaotic than anything we face in the outside world on a daily basis, then our home probably doesn’t feel like home.
I often hear friends and clients talk about how they are the only ones in their household who makes an attempt to keep things neat, clean and inhabitable. In most of these cases, the complainant unknowingly has become the enabler. Why should the others pitch in to help when the person who always does it, just takes care of it? Once the self-sabotage in this situation is identified, and new expectations are created, this usually helps to turn it around.
Once your place is a welcome place to come home to, work on creating your own space to be, well, creative! Even if this space is your home office, yoga room, craft room or a writing room; make it a comfortable place to help get yourself into the best mental headspace to tap into the creative energy you need to start building your dreams. If you do not have an extra room, carve out a place in your space to have dedicated “you” time!
Choosing what really moves you is your starting point in knowing what building your dream looks like. To be clear, sometimes our dream IS to help other people build theirs, or to work for an organization we believe in. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is important, however, to make the distinction of giving your all to an organization which might not give you much in return (you have to be the judge of this, and nobody else!), and giving your all to an organization which rewards you with career satisfaction. How do you make that distinction? Ask yourself: Are you adding value? Are you being recognized for the great work you do? Do you feel fulfilled? Umm, are you getting paid what you are worth? (please do not sell yourself short – asking to receive what you are worth does not make you “difficult”, it makes you smart!)
If you are employed and loving it; and if you have a boss that recognizes all your contributions, that is awesome! But, if you are feeling underwhelmed, used, overlooked and undervalued, then start taking this to heart and take steps to recognize your value.
Keep the faith! Whether you draw inspiration from your religious faith, or have an openness to the existence of a higher power (“Creation”, “the Universe”, “the Force”, “Spiritual Energy”, etc.), keep a line to it and let that power bring you closer to all the greatness you already possess. Two days ago, I was having a tough day with processing a difficult situation, and in a random Google search, this verse came up: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) – Yes, there is power out there! Don’t be afraid to let it in.
Know your value, friends! Use that affirmation to help transform your mindset to help see your dreams as your reality. All that you wish for is more than possible, and already exists. All that stands in your way is identifying the things that are blocking the path. Once you eliminate the obstacles, you clear the way to becoming creatively your best self!
Have a great week!
-jg
Creatively Your Best Self! 
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