Wow! It’s been that long??

August 1, 2018
2:05am

I realized how long it has been since I posted in my journal…  Amazing how much a combination of being tired and having a lot on one’s mind can create a time warp. Let’s see, in July, I went on a short vacation with Emily to visit family in the Midwest and to see a couple of tourist sites along the way, and then afterward, it seems I just got caught up in my day-to-day work life. Not that things have been going badly; but in retrospect, I realize how much I’m trying to juggle in my brain. It tends to make me tired and unmotivated. Where I started off so well with eating better and drinking my 8 full glasses of infused water daily, I went back into eating poorly and drinking more Diet Coke – not good.

There is another issue – my self esteem. My marriage is not in a good place. It’s nothing horrible; just more on a plateau. Actually, I would call it a serious disconnect. I have no doubt it comes from years of financial stress and spending 99% of our time together sharing stress about bills and trying to keep things afloat; only to find that we have let our relationship sink and have become strangers to each other. I’m not sure where this is going and how it will turn out; but in the meantime, I have to continue with a “one day at a time” approach. I’m too tired to spend more time on worry. The changes I’m trying to make in my life for the better are tough to accomplish with a black cloud hanging overhead, so I have to try my best to put it on all on a metaphoric “shelf” so that I can breathe once in a while. I’m trying to convince myself that I’m worth the effort – not always easy.

So, this is another start.  Another opportunity to try and get on a good track. I hope and pray that true happiness & contentment lie ahead, no matter what it might look like.

-jg